How One Feels Diminished by Doing Something Just to Conform

A thoughtful reflection from a Saudi writer living in London about cultural norms regarding women's dress... How One Feels Diminished by Doing Something Just to Conform: "I have just returned from a trip to Saudi Arabia. As usual, it takes me a few days to recalibrate. It is amazing how sensitive we are to our environments, take the abaya for example. When I first arrive in Saudi Arabia, I feel like an alien in my black silk. In one sweep, just by wrapping myself in a physical symbol of Saudi culture, I am forced to slip into a different identity. Part of me rebels against this. I do not wear the hijab, surely it is hypocritical for me to cover up in front of men who have seen me head uncovered in London? Am I not pretending to be something I am not by wrapping myself in an identity that is not my own"...
And there you have the crux of the issue for me. My Western side, the individualistic one, sees personal identity as the quest to show my individuality. Anything I do simply to conform and not because of deeply held conviction makes me feel lessened. But my Arab side, the collectivist one, sees the need to be a soldier of society...